It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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