And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
