But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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