Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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