im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
