the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I met the friendliest cop last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize