guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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