i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
