it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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