Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
