To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
