In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
