You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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