dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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