Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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