there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize