Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
