Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
