Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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