these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
