i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
