You just made me feel so damn special
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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