Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize