dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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