I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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