Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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