Cold hands, warm shart.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
40s are totally the cure
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
