Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
