my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
