There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
