chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
