This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
