She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
