loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
