Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
