Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
