epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
