Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
