did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
