Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize