remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
