Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
