My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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