i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
