Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
