when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize