My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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