i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
