News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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