I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
