Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
