never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
