It's Friday. Sex?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
