I can text with my tongue
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
