i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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