We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
