do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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