look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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