You can't special order awesome
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
