OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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