It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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