I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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