I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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