i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
