Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize