Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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