You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
