Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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