Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
