So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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