took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
